François-Xavier Poudat

Romantic Dependence Publication date : October 13, 2005

“I’m always falling in love, but it never lasts…”, “I do everything I can to seduce a partner, but when I succeed, I’m always disappointed, and I start looking elsewhere…”, “She has no right to live without me…”, “I must be in a relationship to feel that I exist…”, “I need my share of cuddles every day…”, “I only make love to please my partner…”
All of these comments — and others like them — illustrate situations of romantic dependence.
Love addicts are all different: some are pathologically dependent on seduction, passion and fusion; others cannot “let go” of their partner; others are hooked on sex. But they all have one thing in common: love addicts are incapable of having a mature relationship.
It can be argued that emotional dependence is not love — just another form of dependence and that it is necessary to grow up in order to give love a chance.
This book gives a clear and simple presentation of the major types of romantic dependence. It also provides a rigorous explanation of the causes of the various forms of dependence: to soothe an anxiety, to punish oneself, to affirm oneself, to forget, to produce powerful sensations and intense pleasure, to fill a void.
After examining the various forms of dependence, the author explains how to overcome them and how to progress toward individuation in love.

A psychiatrist, psychotherapist and professor of sexology at the University of Nantes, François-Xavier Poudat specialises in therapy for couples and the treatment of sexual disorders. He is the author of Bien vivre sa sexualité (2004).