Getting Rid Of All Those Demands We Make on Ourselves Publication date : March 30, 2016
Frédéric Fanget is a physician psychiatrist and psychotherapist. He teaches at the University of Lyon-I and is the author of such highly successful works as Affirmez-vous, Oser, Toujours mieux! and Oser la vie à deux (Editions Odile Jacob).
‘I mustn’t disappoint, I need to be loved, I must constantly strive to do better, I must always succeed, I have to control everything, I can’t possibly admit that I don’t know everything, I must always be honest and upright.’ The demands we make on ourselves are a powerful driving force. We have constructed them gradually, in the course of our lives, often since childhood. And they have allowed us to adapt to the world we grew up in.
But, with the passing of time, these demands have become tyrannical. Because of their intransigence, the rules that we constructed for ourselves have become a source of anxiety. The problem is that we have never questioned them and we are not even aware that our lives and our choices are ruled by them.
How can we identify the excessive demands we make on ourselves? How can we distinguish between their positive results (our values) and their often harmful effects on our well-being (for example, when our demands lock us into stereotyped forms of behaviour)? How can we better understand how such demands hardened within us? Above all, how can we learn to manage them better so as to keep only their positive effects, without succumbing to their excesses?
• An eminent psychiatrist helps us understand the excessive demands we make of ourselves and shows us how to rid ourselves of such demands.
• Written in the form of a practical guidebook, with detailed examples, as if the reader were face-to-face with the psychotherapist.
• Fanget’s accessible, pedagogical approach has been shown to be highly effective.